Breaking free to a new world,

Just, a man
Uncorrupted, a soul
Clear, a mind
Unaltered, a spirit

Draft to an old world,

Tired, a man
Tattered, a soul
Blotted, a mind
Drifted, a spirit

Return to the new world

Cruel, a man
Corrupt, a soul
Cloudy, a mind
Twisted, a spirit

Exit the new world

Dead, a man
Dead, a soul
Dead, a mind
Dead, a spirit
Dead, a human.....

Well, I don't know much about poetry, but I do know that you should capitalize the first word of each line.

what's 'uncurrupt'?

and it sounds like you tried to make the man the exact opposite of what he used to be. 'just' and 'tired' are not opposites.

breaking free to a new world, = he was born
draft to an old world, = he grew up and was drafted to the army
return to the new world= he returned home many years later a cruel and bitter man
exit the new world= he died a cruel and bitter man

its a gradual metaphor
i know its not good. i just wanted to try out a new form of poetry i think i created. if someone did it before me then i wouldn't have known about

Now that you explained it it make MUCH more sense. Thanks.

meh, i wouldn't know. i don't write much or care to learn the do's and don'ts. i never even took a class. it isn't in my scope of interest. i just said, ''you know what mike, you never write in the FanFic area'' so i sat down, closed my eyes and wrote the first thing that waddled into my cerebrum's frontal cortex. was it good? possibly. was it bad? most likely. would i do it again? definitly in the future. will i do it enough to pay for classes?

HELLZ NAW

BUT I LOVE ALL YAW WHO LOVED MY WORK!!!

Capitalization is part of any language class. So, just because you never took a writing class doesn't mean that you shouldn't know anything about capitalization. The point is, that even if you did it for the hell of it, try to care a little bit. For the people reading it, it's kind of like "Oh, well they don't care about what they write, so I won't bother reading it. It'll just be a waste of time."

kay

it's good.
And you DON't have to capitalize the first letter of each line if you don't want to.
I like how it flows and fits.

The meaning is quite true and sad. (or else the meaning i got from it.)
very good.

thanks, that means alot.