Whoever says the funniest phrase gets 5 pb's. Ex:
My mom tiptoed and made an earthquake!
It doesn't have to be funny to you... just to me.

A Chikorita beat up my Blaziken! (Like that'll ever happen :roll: )

one day i was walking in the mountains when a monkey jumped out, ran around me, tackled me, and stole my hat. -Mario

(not offensef to any one but...)
yo mama is so fat that only her germ can fit in all of space! Burn!

(No Offense To anyone but...)

You are so poor I asked you can I watch TV and you said sorry I don't have any crayons left.

Another 1...

Ok our teacher asked us to bring something for a first aid kit.
When I went home I asked my grandfather ... Can I bring that oxygen breather?? It's for school.
So he said yes.
The next morning this kid bought a bandage the other a tweezer and so on.
I bought my grandfather with me. My teacher asked what did you bring? I said a oxygen breather miss. She said good. My Grandfather said HHHHH
( like running out of breath.)

I'm so poor, my parents showed me a picture of other kids having Christmas as my present

Not to offend, but...


Yo momma is so fat, she jumped in a pool, and the Japanese screamed, "Tsunami!"

No offense to anyone.

Yo mama is so poor, I walked in your house, lit a match and the c***roaches screamed, "And then there was light!"

'A Self-Torturer is someone who likes to take cold showers. Therefore, he takes hot showers.'


'You see, if a n00b is pwned with enough force, it is then converted into energy, which is used to produce enormous amounts of SPAM'


'I didn't kiss her! I just whispered something in her mouth'


'Well, I can see that you're all evil and stuff, but I see no reason not to trust you!'

'Spesial skills: Thyping'

And finally, all good christians should know about the fantastic, beautiful song called 'Gladly, The Cross-Eyed Bear'!

JsXtm says: Kmmph. Mmph. He he. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Anything is possible with a blowtorch

No offense, but:

Yer so poor u asked 4 coal 4 Xmas 2 heat yer family over winter :roll:

i wasnt throwing things at you i was passing them agressivly

I know I've posted this before but wtf:

In small type at the bottom of every world record book there is the following message: all recoreds are held be Cuck Norris, these are the people who came in secound, except for that guy stuffing straws in his mouth, Chuck though that was weird.

Cuck Norris doesn't walk, the world spins.

In the begening, God created Chuck, Chuck beat Eve out of GOD'S spare rip. This is why God had to take sunday off.

Chuck got in a fight with the devil, the devil maneged to knock off a bit of dandruff, this is known as the astroid belt.

Jupiter also came from Chuck Norris, I am not alowed to say where it came from.

The devil shaved a bit of Chuck's beard, this is now known as saturns rings.

the following things have happend when Chuck Norris got ahold of red bull:

the big bang

antlantis sank

the devil hid in the center of the earth

Okay, like others no offense...

Yo mama is so fat, she put on a red coat, ran down teh road, and people ran after her thinking they missed the double decker bus.

You are so fat, every time you turn around its your birthday again.

Looking for a funny phrase? Just check my signature.

Okay, maybe it's not that funny, but, oh, well, I tried.

Mod Edit: Don't double post. Use the button. -JsXtm

Two Eskimos were rafting down the river. One yelled 'typewriter', and they both jumped out.

No Offense...

Your mother is so skinny, she's in 2Ds

yesterday i saw a bunny holding a tomato
i caught it and ate it for dinner
the bunny, not the tomato

Here's the funneist phrase I have ever heard. Somone said it while we were exchangeing Chuck Norris jokes, we never did find out what happened to him.

Who is Chuck Norris?

Ha. That is good. Here is one that you need to say yourself, with three people:


So, last night, I had this really weird dream. I was at the pearly gates, and St. Peter welcomed me into Heaven. So, he showed me around, and I noticed that everyone was in these really small cars. And every car was packed, with little room to spare. So, I'm looking at these cars, when I see Person #1 sitting in a car, right next to this really, ugly, fat man/woman. I turn to St. Peter, and say, "St. Peter, why is Person #1 in the car with that really fat and ugly guy?" St. Peter replied, "Well, *your name*, that is for the sin in his/her life." With that, we walked on. I was then really surprised to see Person #2 sitting. However, she/he was sitting next to an okay looking man/woman. I turned to St. Peter again. "St. Peter, what about Person #2? I know her/him, and they sinned a lot! Why isn't she/he sitting next to the fat person?" St. Peter chuckled, and answered, "*Your Name*, Person #2 have been forgiven of her/his sins. Let's move on now." We kept walking, until I saw the unbelievable. Person #3 was sitting next to this gorgeous, beautiful hunk of a guy/woman. He/She was just amazing! I turned to St. Peter once more. "Woah. Peter, why is Person #3 sitting over there? I know him/her, and I know that she doesn't deserve that." Peter smiled. "Oh, no. That is for his/her sin."

((You have to say it with emphasis. Those parts with a lot of it will be underlined. The people also need the proper roles. Person #1 should be a nicer, more shy person, #2 should be an outgoing/more prank wise person, and person #3 should be someone nicer then #2, but more outgoing than #1. For the man/woman or his/her, of other people, use the opposite gender of the Person #1/2/3 that is with them. I know that I got some parts wrong, but try to understand it. ))

Mine is not really mine, but is funny because it didn't ment to be funny, it is from "Conspiracy theorists say the darnest things":




CONNIE M. MESKIMEN, Arkansas Democrat-Gazette.

These was from Reader's Digest issues. They are a bit different, though.

#1
A Red Sox fan and a Yankees fan are driving when they get in a head-on collision. The men get out to look at their vehicles, and walk to each other.
"Maybe this is a sign." Says the Red Sox fan. "That we should put aside our differences, and become allies." The Yankees fan answers back.
"Yes, I agree." He said, and the Red Sox fan went to his truck. He comes back with a bottle of beer.
"Here." He says, raising it and taking a sip. "This is to our alliance." He passes it to the Yankees fan. "Your turn."
The Yankees fan takes the bottle, looks at it, and throws it into the nearby lake.
"Nah. I think that I'll wait until the police arrive."

#2
Although fighting the enemy is considered normal, the Army frowns upon fighting among the troops. So much so that after one too many battles royal, my uncle was ordered to undergo a psychiatric evaluation in which he had to endure some odd questions. "If you saw a submarine in the Sahara, what would you do?"

"Well, I'd throw snowballs at it," he answered.

"Where'd you get the snowballs?" the doctor asked.

"Same place you got the submarine."

#3
For some recruits, there is nothing basic about basic training. It was clear that one soldier in particular was not getting the hang of it when on guard duty one night, he cried out, "Halt! Don't shoot or I'll move!"

Hehe.
Try these:
Why is it that everyone that drives slower than you is an idiot, and everyone that drives faster than you is a maniac?

A new computer virus is going around. Office workers everywhere will now be forced to play Solitaire with real cards.

Men can read maps better than woman. 'Cause only the male mind would conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles.

If carrots are so good for your eyesight, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I am a christian and to me that sounds fairly offensive, so please, don't crack religious jokes.