SEE THIS POST FOR THE GENERATION V RANKINGS.
So, if you go to the PsyPoke chatroom, you might have seen me mention this convoluted "comparer" that I've been working on since July 2008. The purpose of this comparer was to have every Pokemon in a match against every other Pokemon in which I pick my favorite; when the comparer was finally finished, I'd have my definitive rankings of every Pokemon. Because this is a Pokemon forum, I decided to make a ranking thread with commentary. YAAAAAY!!!
If you're wondering why the topic says 512 Pokemon, it's because my comparer has a lot of the alternate forms of various Pokemon. In fact, the alternate forms that were in my comparer were also the ones that I deemed important enough to include in PsyPoke Idol 2. So you can also look at this thread of Frost's personal ranking of the PsyPoke Idol 2 contestants. (The 493 official Pokemon and the alternate forms of Castform, Deoxys, Burmy, Wormadam, Shellos, Gastrodon, Rotom, Giratina and Shaymin but not Unown, Spinda or Cherrim.) Although they might be referenced in my write-ups, the Generation V Pokemon will not be included in this ranking because they are too new to rank and this list was finished before Zoroark's silhouette was even revealed. And so...
IT STARTS!
Update Title: "Vomitomb, Sh
Rating: 1/10 ("These Pokemon f*cking suck!")
512. Spiritomb
(National Dex: 442; Generation: IV)
It was during this ranking that I finally determined what my least favorite Pokemon is: Spiritomb. I honestly can't imagine any future Pokemon surpassing this thing in being awful unless GameFreak introduces a Spiritomb evolution or pre-evolution (PLEASE GOD NO). Okay, so why do I hate Spiritomb so much? Quite simply, it's hideous. According to canon, it's supposed to be an collection of 108 malevolent spirits bound by the keystone at the bottom of Spiritomb's sprite... but, in reality, it really looks like grape soda vomit with a few pieces of green debris thrown in for good measure. It even has a little swirly black thing where its eyes should be. To be concise, Spiritomb looks more like a bad joke that the creators designed on an acid trip than something "evil." Speaking of evil, Spiritomb is a Ghost/Dark-type Pokemon and, if you know anything else about me, you probably know that I hate the Dark-type and a lot of its Pokemon because they try to look "cool" and "evil" but only succeed in attracting dumb little kids. In battle, Spiritomb is probably decent but, to be honest, I don't really give a f
511. Sharpedo
(National Dex: 319; Generation: III)
You can take much of what I just wrote for Vomitomb and apply it to Sharpedo or, as I call it, Sh
510. Croagunk
(National Dex: 453; Generation: IV)
I really, really hate this thing. In fact, I hate Croagunk so much that I refer to it with the name "Crackface" on a regular basis. It's bad enough that Croagunk is seriously ugly (hence my nickname of "Crackface," because it certainly looks like it's been hitting the crack too much), but the real reason why Croagunk ranks this low is because it's Brock's main Pokemon in the DP-based anime. Giving so much screentime to such a monstrocity would be bad enough, but Croagunk actually took over the tired dead horse joke of dragging away/attacking Brock when he hits on women. It sucked with Misty, it sucked with Max and it sucks with Croagunk, even though Croagunk inexplicably has a lot of fans who believe that the unfunny joke is actually funny with Croagunk but not with Misty or Max. (I don't get it.) My favorite Croagunk story is how I was in browsing through the toy section at Target one day and encountered Diamond and Pearl plushies. Because Croagunk is featured on the anime, it had a plushie made out of it but, because Croagunk is so hideously ugly, nobody was buying them. The entire section of DP plushies had been cleaned out, leaving only dozens of ignored Croagunk plushies. HILARIOUS!
509. Gabite
(National Dex: 444; Generation: IV)
I'll keep this one short and sweet. Gabite is the pre-evolution of a Pokemon who I find incredibly annoying (his write-up is coming soon, don't worry), but it's also uglier and more rabid-looking than that particular Pokemon. Gabite is also one of the many Pokemon who suffers from "Middle Evolution Syndrome," in which the middle evolution isn't cute like the first form (not that Gible is cute, but it's still "cuter") or cool like the final form (not that Garchomp is cool, but it's still "cooler"). It's just an awkward, and in this case ugly, teenager who needs to go away.
508. Huntail
(National Dex: 367; Generation: III)
Huntail, moar liek Huntfail, amirite? Huntail is just another of the endless Water Pokemon introduced during Generation III and, like the other Pokemon on this ranking so far, it's hideously ugly. It looks like they were trying to make Huntail's design look scary, but random orange-and-white spots and gapped fangs aren't too intimidating. Huntail is pretty crappy in battle (and he's certainly inferior to his much cooler counterpart Gorebyss in both looks and battling ability) and really isn't that memorable other than being hideously ugly. He's also an eel, and I'll tell you right now that I DESPISE eels even in real life, so Huntail was pretty much doomed to my hatred from the start.
507 Cradily
(National Dex: 346; Generation: III)
Okay, so... I'll say upfront that I picked the Claw Fossil when I first played through Sapphire. However, just because I like Armaldo does not necessarily mean that I would dislike its counterpart if it were a decent design. Cradily, on the other hand, is NOT a decent design. It took me forever to realize that the yellow orb in Cradily's "mouth" is probably an eye, so for a long time I thought that Cradily's "eyes" were the yellow spots on its head and its real "eye" was a tooth. In other words, Cradily was trying to look intimidating even though I viewed at it as a toothless hillbilly. So, basically, Cradily looks ugly and stupid and is a stain on an otherwise-awesome type (Grass). I'll also say that it does NOT help Cradily that it's actually decent in battle, because TonberryKing used it against me when we used to battle on the RSbots and I couldn't get through the annoying thing.
506. Drapion
(National Dex: 452; Generation: IV)
I know that a couple of my good friends on PsyPoke like Drapion... but, sorry guys, I don't. It's another case of the design killing the Pokemon. I don't think that scorpions that look like they swallowed an accordion and/or were created by Dr. Robotnik to combat Sonic the Hedgehog look cool. Seriously, it looks almost like a note-perfect scorpion version of Caterkiller. It also does not help that Drapion SHOULD be a Dark/Bug-type, and even evolves from a Bug-type, but, rather pointlessly, keeps its Poison-type instead of its Bug-type upon evolution, providing one of many examples of how GameFreak hates Bug-types. Oh, yeah, and it's a Dark-type, and I hate those, especially when they look like they want to eat my face as Drapion does. It's also not that great in battle due to its shallow movepool, so it can just go away as far as I'm concerned.
505. Dustox
(National Dex: 269; Generation: III)
I dislike Dustox so much that I once recorded an audio rant explaining the reasons why I hate Dustox. However, because I hate my voice, I'm not posting that here. Here's an abridged version: I hate Dustox because it has an ugly design, it's absolutely useless in battle and it wasn't even interesting on the anime. The design is abstract and bizarre, as if the designers threw it together on an acid trip the night before Ruby and Sapphire were released. In battle, it has no good moves and only one halfway decent stat (Special Defense) that it can't take advantage of due to its awful typing and subpar movepool. In the anime, it managed to be around for hundreds of episodes and I'm sure there was a point that even the writers forgot that it was on Jessie's team because it was absent so much! It also had a stupid voice and, in general, is part of family of pointless Hoenn rehashes of superior Kanto Pokemon. It sucks.
504. Bronzong
(National Dex: 437; Generation: IV)
Now, I know Bronzong is supposed to be a Pokemon modeled after a church bell or the Liberty Bell (you know, that kind of majestic bell), so... why does it look so dumb? There's so many random markings on Bronzong and it has red eyes, so it really looks crazy and like its facial expression is ">:BBBBBB"... so stupid. It's just a really bad, almost abstract, eyestrain-worthy Pokemon. In addition to a bad appearance, Bronzong doesn't even have a good NAME because it's NOT A GONG, so whoever named it gets the epic fail stamp too. In battle, meh, it's probably pretty decent, even though they randomly gave it a trademark ability that nobody would EVER use in place of the much-superior Levitate (which Bronzong also gets), so I can't get over the randomness that is Bronzong and its abstract markings/design, stupid abilities or unexplainable part Psychic-type.
503. Shelgon
(National Dex: 372; Generation: III)
I'll be honest: Shelgon was NOT originally this low on the list until yesterday. It was still low, of course, but it didn't bother me as much. Why did I decide to knock it down at least 15 spots on my rankings, below Pokemon who used to annoy me so much more than Shelgon did? Because of PsyPoke Idol 2. Shelgon making it to the second round of voting was probably the biggest joke of the entire contest and solid proof that little kids, above anything else, care much more about what type a Pokemon is or what a Pokemon evolves into. Look at Shelgon's design for a second and you'll quickly realize something... it's a COCOON on par with METAPOD, KAKUNA, SILCOON and CASCOON. But are those four Pokemon DRAGON-TYPE, which is so OMG COOL? Nope. Do those four Pokemon evolve into SALAMENCE, who is so OMFG AWESOMMMME??!?!?! No. But were any of those Pokemon voted into the second round of Idol 2? Nope. The only difference is that Shelgon can learn more than Tackle and Harden. So what? It's still a sh*tty, unoriginal design and this lower ranking is punishment for the stupidity that was Shelgon getting through the first round due to its OMG COOL type and OMG COOL evolution. GTFO!
502. Garchomp
(National Dex: 445; Generation: IV)
From one hideously overrated, pointless Dragon-type to another... while it's true that I think Garchomp is a bad design made primarily to look OMG COOL to kids (didn't we already have a rabid-looking shark-based Pokemon who I ALSO dislike?), that's only one of the reasons it's this low on my list. Another major reason Garchomp came in this low? OMG SMOGON MADE GARCHOMP UBER TIER, NOW I CAN'T USE IT IN BATTLE BAWWWWWW!!11!. Yes, the pointlessly dramatic sh*tfit that people threw over Garchomp being banned from standard battles is another reason why I can't stand the thing. My favorite Garchomp-related moment was the thread in our own Battle Tower about Garchomp's tiering that basically de-evolved into Sapphirath acting like a gigantic douchebag and R_R coming in to rename the thread the "Apparently Saphirath has the right to be arrogant" thread and locking it. If only Garchump could be as cool as R_R! ;o
501. Electivire
(National Dex: 466; Generation: IV)
So, here's the problem I have with Electivire and, indeed, several (though not all) of the newer evolutions in Diamond/Pearl. I hate seeing Pokemon that are actually decent in battle, such as Electabuzz, Magmar and especially Rhydon and Dusclops, get evolutions over Pokemon who really NEED the evolutions such as Delcatty, Farfetch'd and others. Yeah, sure, Electivire is OU and Electabuzz probably wouldn't have been (although one reason for Electivire's tiering is Motor Drive, so they could have just, you know, GIVEN THAT TO ELECTABUZZ instead of evolving it), but what else was accomplished from evolving such a cool Pokemon into a demonic Furby? Absolutely nothing. Piss off, Electivire, you suck and made a great Pokemon into a novelty.
TO BE CONTINUED!
