Okay, so if you've played pokemon for about 100 years you gain a mystical aura around you that can only attract crazy nutcases IRL. So, why did I sacrifice myself and my happiness? For you, for this very day my ideas and values can be passed on to the next generation. Now, I will pass down my unsurpassed knowledge to you. Topic = Pokemon. These are more facts than tips. You must post a question below if you wish to comment. BEHOLD!!


PROTIPS!

No. 1: Only use your favourite pokemon in your teams, no HM slaves. If you can't pass an object because none of your pokemon can learn a specific HM move, then it was not your fate to venture the next area and progress. I'm sorry.

No. 2: If you DO manage to make it to the Elite Four but your favourite Magikarp can't survive their attacks, then it was not your destiny to become Champion. I'm sorry.

No. 3: DO NOT use healing items, berries or held items. Do you think Ash Ketchum ever needed them other than the time Squirtle took his Pikachu and friends hostage?

No. 4: Nickname all your pokemon, otherwise your unnamed pokemon do not have souls. FACT.

No. 5: To progress RSE, and to not fall asleep during Team Aqua/Magma's long pathetic and rightous speeches, HAX or imagination another plural each Team can say instead of pokemon. Example; Team Aqua wants MOAR sea for the "Fishes", and Team Magma wants MOAR land for the "Bunnies".

No. 6: That said, yes, you have to read out every line out loud, you cannot mash down your favourite A button or B button to fast forward your epic journey. And you also have to talk to every single person you find or encounter, TWICE if the game lets you. And again even if just visiting an area or town again, you have to walk into every house, every pokemart, pokecenter, gym, even the cries of aimlessly circling pokemon, you MUST talk to them.

No. 7: Training, grinding, and gaining experience from pokemon in the wild is for losers, especially effort value training (EV). Launch yourself into battle with your newly hatched level 1 pokemon and have no fear or regrets.

No. 8: But that said, YOU MUST NEVER EVER RUN AWAY. Even if you're about to black out, BE TOUGH AND NEVER ADMIT DEFEAT. No repels either. Your only two options are to catch the pokemon or fight to the death.

More tips will come soon. I must meditate.

You're all so lucky to be blissed with my presence. I've been hit with more enlightenment and tips to share with you all. How lucky indeed.


No. 9: Never lend your pokemon games to anyone, even if they beg and annoy you about it to breaking point. *ESPECIALLY YOUR GF OR BF. If something happens, you'll NEVER EVER EVAR get them back. And you'll never have Emerald to clone your items/pokemon, either. ;_________________________;

No. 10: Stock up on Ultra Balls BEFORE waking up Snorlax, speaking with a standalone legendary or event pokemon. AT ALL COST. If that fails, you always have your Masterball. Who cares about that token front cover pokemon you'll probably eventually need the ball for, leave that to Future You. Spare yourself an hour and throw it.

No. 11: Saving and restarting the game if you didn't get that shiny legendary or the right nature you wanted for you starter? That's silly, you're silly.

No. 12: Shiny hunting? Leave it to the gods to determine your fateful counter. (And if they're really cruel, you'll find one when you don't have any pokeballs at all)

No. 13: Poisoning a pokemon you want to catch probably isn't the best method, but if it does faint, just shake it off and move on. That pokemon wasn't for you anyway.

* this is important

What about naming your trainer and choosing your gender? Or choosing your starter? (I'm sorta scared of the answer. D:)

26. When you see a random legendary in the GTS for a janky Pokemon, such as a level 100 Pidgey, you'll know it was totally worth it to train that damn bird to 100 without evolving it.

27. The only thing event Pokemon will ever be good for, ever, is to fill that blasted Pokedex. Don't bother training them or anything, your efforts will be fruitless.

28. Salamence and Garchomp are not the best Pokemon ever, that title solely belongs to Jigglypuff. FACT

29. It's not badass to own all the starters anymore, because of one little fact: Anything can f*** a Ditto. This can be said about Eevee as well.

30. HM slaves are for noobs. Tentacools with Cut, Surf, Waterfall and Poison Sting are for champs.

31. Remember, in every game, in every region, there's going to be a Dragon-Tard in the Elite Four somewhere. So remember to bring one Seel, Spheal or Shellder with you, so you can beat him/her with an Aurora Beam.

If you press and hold the B button right when the pokeball hits the wild pokemon, it'll have a higher capture rate

ORLY KRISP i think id know the rules by now since imma mod i didnt see your rule anywhere and FUUUUUUU

number 32 and 33 are for edoc

- naming your trainer (you) and picking your gender (your own) can be a difficult couple decisions to make. if you're playing a game you can play wifi on, you can screw with people and name your female character a guys name. even though your female sprited character carries a purse and you feel awkward digging back in it ever couple of seconds for a pokeball, the guy character might look even worse. if you get caught IRL playing pokemon and your seen playing a girl (one sexual fantasy you might have) just be sure to name it after someone else and say your playing your sister's or gf's game. or simply challedge and woop their ass with your HAXOR pokemon and pick fun of them aying they were beaten by a girl. hell, you could even nickname your guy trainer a girl's name. why not? anime characters have girly names and they're pretty tough?

picking a starter pokemon will always be a tough choice (especially if they're all lame like RSE, amirite? ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON'T LIEK MUDSTERS whoever that pokemon is). actually i'm just messing with you. ALWAYS AND I MEAN ALWAYS CHOOSE THE FIRE TYPE.

number 34

if your following all these tips, be sure you name your rival after you and yourself named after your rival. if you get stuck or lose the game, always look on the bright side that you (your rival wearing your face) would have gotten way further in the game than your rival (actually you) could ever get (this works well in FRLG, as you'll be Champion status as long as your rival (you) doesn't **** it up). this also counts as an instant win, therefore in reality there's no point playing the game any further because you know you've already won.

35. u must mute your gameboy when in the lavender town. otherwize u get seazures worse than a porygon. and if u play the music backwards your soul will be stolen. no not even mr fuji can save u then.

36. remember, only u are the chozen trainer. how do u think only u find the legendairy pokemon? it is ur destinty to win so never give up hop.

37. if u lose on a gym leader dont go fight them agen soon just wait a day ok. i mean they have beter things 2 do than fight u all day ok!!

38. dont get any funny ideas in ur journy. remember oak is always watching u. thats how he knows when u use ur fish rod on land. so keep it g rated ok. ok. give the old guy a brake.

39. remember not to sneekay snezal out the back way in victree road. u must fight ur rival no matter how tired u are. just hang in there till the Bitter End and u will be a master.

40. If you're complaining because you can't catch a Lengendary, wait a while! Level up your pokes and next time, Zapdos won't 1HKO you with its Drill Peck!

41. *This tip is acually helpful!* If you team loses to the Elite 4, don't restart! Most likely your pokes will have leveled up. So turning off the game without saving is like "O0O0 im gona downgrade my team by 5 levels cause they cant beat that Elite 4!"

42. Don't waste all your precious precious money on ordiments or dolls or stuff like that, or you will be sitting on the floor complaining "WAAAAAAAA I dont have any money and cant buy any potions!!!!!"

43. Don't use up all your TMs in the beginning of the game on cheap pokemon. You don't know how many times people complain because their ultra powerful pokemon is stuck with ultra weak moves because all the good TMs were wasted on those weak beginning-of-the-game pokemon.

shhh. but you're right. number 44 is now my last tip and replaced with this for great justice.

oh yeah, and did i fail to mention that once we have 100 or more tips the best tipper upperer (that is, the greatest one tip, that is to say, the person who made the best pokemon related tip) wins......... shhh it's a secret. :x

and you can post as many PROTIPS as you like!! what kind of PROTIP will maek you a winner?!

so get posting!!


Here's a couple:

No. 45: Before you begin your pokemon journey, always stock up on clean underwear before you go.

No. 46: Fighting Sabrina is like fighting Psycho Mantis in Metal Gear Solid. In Metal Gear, you had to insert your controller into Slot 2 so Mantis couldn't read your mind and troll you. The theory is the same for Sabrina. When you first enter the battle and after you both send out your pokemon, immediately switch your gameboy or DS off. She won't be able to read your thoughts, making the battle much easier.

Here's something else to look forward to if we get over ONE HUNDRED PROTIPS. Not so much a secret anymore, but I will ALSO ALSO draw craptastic corresponding pictures (one for each) for the winners of the trophies at the end.

Participation Trophy
Description: You posted and made this thread meaningful (you registered a forum and made a post in my thread, good for you).

Oh You Trophy
Description: Typical but awwwright post.

Pretty Funny Guy Trophy
Description: If one of your tips were funny enough.

Serious Business Trophy
Description: People are taking these tips seriously?

Ok. Ok. Trophy
Description: it was ok. ok.

PROTIP CHAMP Trophy
Description: The person who gave the best pokemon related PROTIP.

Don't worry, I won't be getting any. I'm just adding to the list. The only thing really secret secret now is the theme of the trophies. Shhh. May be more to come.

---

No. 47: If you pass GO in Pokemon Monopoly, collect 200 pokedollars.

No. 48: Losing to your friend again and again in pokemon battles? Simple. Tell your parents they did something terrible (secretly, while the battle is commencing), and as your parents sort them out, take their game and rig it to your advantage.

49: You must give your Pokemon unsuspecting nicknames. Name your Rayquaza "Fluffy" and name your lvl 1 Pichu with Volt Tackle "Thor". Also, if you name your Butterfree "Mothra" you become full of win for the rest of your life.

50: You have to saaaaave the wooorld. Remember, it's your responsibility.

51: Love the under appreciated Pokemon, because you know everyone will be bowing to your awesomeness when you beat their lvl 100 Dragonite with a Qwilfish.

52: Arceus with a Shotgun vs. Cthulhu is only a tie. FACT.

53: The next generation of Pokemon will always suck because its "new and strange and looks like a Digimon" but remember, in a year you will wonder where Pokabu Tepig has been all your life.

Serpentsounds: your signature is too **** big, read the rules noob

54. Dont try to fly somewhere you havent gone yet, or you will get lost and crash and burn.

55. When catching a poke', theres an incredibly simple way to catch it. When the pokemon goes in the ball, just grip it down tight and if he tries to break out, he can't and he's caught! You could catch a Mewtwo with a red pokeball with this method.

56. It's a funny but cool idea to name your pokemon after a different pokemon. For ex- If you name your Charizard as "Blastoise", then the foe will think 'Uh OH! I better send my Venusaur out to kill him!' Then his Venusaur ends up getting killed by Charizard's mighty Flamethrower.

57. If you can't think of an idea to put on here, then DONT PUT ANYTHING!!

58. Here's a strategy that works anyday- first have Gyarados use splash and when the foe starts rolling over the floor laughing, take his game and make yourself win!

66. Since there are only 2 rooms in your house your mom sleeps in the kitchen. FACT

67. The uglier it is the stronger its final evolution will be, don't believe me? ask my gyarados of doom MWAHAHAH!!!

68. *WARNING* Successfully chaining a shiny sunkurn or anything on route 217 will automagically push you to coolest person ever without a life, much like getting all the heart pieces in any zelda game.

69. Critical hits are not your friend, they only seem to ever hurt you. they are the murphy's law of pokemon battling.

70. Rick rolling someone over a wifi match is not only advised but encouraged.

71. That new pokemon you've just caught later in the game is like Yoko Ono to the Beatles, it will tear your team apart

72. When you put a pokemon into storage, you are really downloading them onto a computer, so that means they become computer pixels, so make sure your computer doesnt crash!

73. Hyper Beam = L A M E ! After u use it, you're pretty much putting on a sign that says "Look I'm vunerable to anything! Kill Me!"

74. If you manage to catch an Arceus, then you own the power of the universe.

75. Known Fact: Super Repels are cheaper than Max Repels. They just invented Max Repels to eat up your money.

76. To dodge an earthquake, all you have to do is jump up in the air and you won't get hurt. It's easy!

77. The old man at the day care has ansemia. That why hes always surpised when a pokemon lays an egg. Dont try to expain to him that pokemon can lay eggs, youll just be wasting your time.

78. Ditto is the most powerful of all pokemon. Arceus is just there to distract you from this fact.

79. If you cant read the ingame messages, then get someone else too.

80. DONT EVERY LAUGH WHEN YOU BEAT THE CHAMPION! Why, i dont know but people might think your crazy when your on the floor celebrating your victroy by rolling aroun on the floor like a mad man.

78. The Elite four obviously aren't as strong as the claim if they keep getting pwned by kids. So don't stress if you don't think that your team is strong enough. Chances are you will at least make it to the champion.

79. The villains in each game don''t pay attention to international news. If they did they would watch out for 10 year old boys trying to stop them. Take advantage of their ignorance to train your pokemon that are on the weak side for your team.

80. You are only as strong as you prove you are. Having a bunch of lvl 100's isn't strong, but knowing how to win with them is.

81. Look very carefully at the pokemon you are putting on your team. They reflect your training style.

82. Mono-type teams are cool. If you get lucky you can surprise the person you are battling and they might not have a way to stop you. [ this is another way to fulfill tip 80]

83. Girl Pokemon have lower IVs. FACT.

84. There IS a Mew in the truck outside the SS Anne. It's sleeping in a box in the back. That's why your trainer can't find it.

85. Cynthia's SecretPotion cures cancer, and you used the only one to cure a few Psyduck's headaches. You could've used Pokeprofen, you bimbo.

86. To use dive, you must first find a scuba tank, or grow gills. Whichever is easier for you.